50 Musings

Turning 50 confused me. Was I supposed to feel different? All I felt was unreality. How could I be 50? How could my oldest child be 25? How could I have been married for more than half my life?

Some more observations on unreality:

• Maybe amnesia has set in, but life seemed simpler when the kids were small. An idyllic haze surrounds memories of poor, married college life.
• I knew everything when I was younger. Now I know a few things.
• Watching my adult children make their own choices and live their own lives is terribly rewarding, but I feel like a spectator.
• I have developed a "healthy" paranoia about staying relevant and vital in the workplace.
• How come I still sometimes act like a child in my marriage? Shouldn't I have figured this out by now?

Well, I guess I'm not done yet.