Es gibt einen Idioten

Train drags half-naked mooner along tracks

My Dirty Little Secret

To avoid full mental meltdown while shopping, I play a game called "Fashion Disaster". Here are the rules:

• All people I see are divided into three categories: Exempt, Good Fashion, Fashion Disaster
  
  
• Exempt: Look like they are not trying to "make a statement". In its simplest form this consists of jeans, t-shirt, and healthy skin and hair and the appearance of spending no more than 5 minutes getting ready to go out. This is the highest, best, most exalted category. How long it actually took to achieve this look is anyone's guess.
  
  
• Good Fashion: Looks like they spent some time on their looks, but it works. Their hair style works with their facial shape. Their hair color is natural, if not original. Their clothing and shoes work with their body shape. They aren't a walking cliche.
  
  
• Fashion Disaster: Everyone else. Though the possibilities are effectively infinite, examples may be educational:
  
  The only look more pitiful than this year's cliche is last year's: Exposed bra straps. Distressed jeans. The homie look. Etc.
  
  Really tight low-waisted jeans worn with flat shoes make the wearer's legs look about 16 inches long.
  
  Wide hips and skinny legs are not well served by tight pants and stiletto heels. "Does this make my butt look big?" Yes.
  
  Muffin tops = bad.
  
  Thongs should not be worn under sweat pants. Ever.

Sorry to expose my dark side.

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